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  I use the soft pressure of my lips mixed with day-old stubble to seduce the words out of her. I gingerly run them down her neck to her collarbone, begging the words to fall from her lips.

  I know it’s going to work when Rae’s breaths become harsh like she’s just finished scaling a mountain—which she kind of has since the two words I want to hear are about as strenuous for her to admit as the physical intensity of a climb.

  While they are her least favorite words, they are far from mine.

  She huffs, a mixture of irritation and sexual frustration. “Fine. I’ll say it.”

  “Good. I knew you’d—”

  “On one condition,” she interrupts.

  Lifting my head, I narrow my eyes at her. “You are in no position to negotiate.”

  “Oh, but I am, Hudson. You see, you’re lying on top of me, attempting to rile me up—and it’s working. But you’ve forgotten that your eight-year-old daughter is upstairs right now and can come down at any moment. That means your, ahem, excitement over our current position could be your downfall.”

  It’s my turn to huff. “What do you want.”

  Nope, not even phrasing that as a question. Little sneak.

  “You have to make the break and bakes because I’ll probably burn the entire house down trying to do so.”

  Laughter rumbles in my chest. “You’re exhausting.”

  Rae reaches up and nuzzles her nose against mine, lingering only seconds to graze her lips over my own. “But you love me anyway.”

  “Just a wee little bit.”

  She captures my mouth fully with hers. Her hands slip from my gentle grasp, going straight for my head, holding me to her like her life depends on it. I kiss her back with equal want, running my tongue across her lips, begging her to allow access. She does, but only briefly.

  The heat we create together in these short stolen seconds is so overwhelming that I swear I smell smoke.

  Shit!

  “The cookies!” I yell, prying my lips from Rae’s and jumping into action like a madman.

  I move to the stove to rescue her crispy not-so-master-masterpieces as she rushes to open the back door and windows before the smoke alarms start sounding and send Joey into a panic.

  Joe must hear the commotion because it’s not even a minute later when she comes bounding down the stairs and straight into the kitchen. “What’s happened? Is everything okay? Are we all going to die?” she asks, her eyes wide with fear and curiosity.

  I mentally cringe but don’t stop my movements.

  That’s another side effect of losing someone—children become consumed with the idea of death. They become aware, afraid, intrigued, confused. This technically isn’t Joey’s first encounter with the depressing event, but it is the first one that’s happened since she’s come to an age where she understands what occurs in the world around her. She knew my father when he passed. However, explaining it to her then was easier. She’s had the last several years to come to terms with him never coming back. Tanner’s death is still fresh and has her scared. She’s panicked that those she loves will be ripped from her at any moment. Most of the adults I know may not have liked Tanner, because the dude was a total ass, but I can’t deny the way he was always patient, kind, and loving to my daughter. I respect him for that more than anything.

  “No one is dying, Joey. We’re all fine. I promise,” I reassure her, fanning the cookies with the oven mitt.

  “Oh,” she says. I can hear the worry leave her voice. “Rae, did you burn things again? Dad isn’t a good cook either, but he doesn’t burn things.”

  I swear Rae’s word vomit has rubbed off on everyone around her because what Joey just said was exactly something Rae would say.

  I snicker. “Always looking out for your old man. I appreciate it, kiddo.”

  “Hudson!” Rae scolds. She turns to Joey and says, “I may have baked your cookies for a few minutes too long. But your dad is going to make some more. Right, dear?”

  Raising a brow at Rae, I challenge, “I don’t know. Am I?”

  I swear I can hear her roll her eyes at me. “You’re right. I’m a terrible cook and I burn everything. Happy?”

  “Finally! She admits it!”

  She looks to Joey for help. “You just gonna let him be mean to me?”

  Joey shrugs. “I know you said us girls were supposed to stick together when it came to dad being right, but…” she pauses, drawing the word out dramatically. “You do burn a lot of things.”

  “BURN! Just like your cookies!”

  The look on Rae’s face says I’m definitely in trouble for that little outburst.

  Totally worth being in the doghouse.

  Hudson

  “You dragged me out on my one day off to go to the fucking mall? Dick move, Hudson.”

  “Shut up, you baby. I only invited you because Tucker isn’t here,” I tell my unhappy companion, and second best friend, Gaige.

  “Gee. I feel so welcomed.”

  “Well if you weren’t such a tool…”

  “Hey! I’m the asshole, not a tool. Don’t be mean.”

  I shoot him a look. “Really? You’re okay with being called an asshole but not a tool?”

  “Asshole just sounds so much more affectionate.”

  “You’re so weird,” I mutter. “Now, come on, asshole. We have several stores to look at.”

  Unusual for him, Gaige doesn’t shut up as I navigate through the crowded mall. I forgot it was back-to-school season. The place is crawling with rambunctious teens. They’re amusing and obnoxious all at the same time. I dread the day Joey turns into a teenager.

  A teenager? Damn. That’s only five years away. I’ll be thirty by that point and probably feel about forty with the way my life has been on the fast-track since she was born.

  But, if all goes as planned, I’ll at least be settled down with the love of my life, a great house, thriving business, and Joey. Not exactly how I pictured some of my prime bachelor days but somehow exactly what I’ve always wanted.

  “What are we getting here, anyway? It’s not anyone’s birthday, so I know you’re not getting a gift. And you don’t love me enough to randomly buy me presents, so that must mean you’re…” He trails off as I steer us closer to the first jewelry store on my list.

  When I realize he’s not following me anymore, I stop my pursuit of shiny objects. I spin around to find Gaige frozen, his mouth hanging open in the middle of the packed shopping center. Suppressing a sigh, I walk back toward him.

  “What.”

  “No fucking way,” he says, shocked. “You’re gonna propose.”

  I shift uncomfortably at the way he says it. He sounds awed. And his stare is starting to make me feel weird too. He’s looking at me like I’m that damn three-headed dog from Harry Potter or some shit. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. Not that I should base whether or not I’m going to propose on what Gaige thinks, but he’s been in my life for a long damn time. I value his opinion above all others’. Well, except Tuck’s and Rae’s.

  A grin transforms his naturally neutral expression to one of pure joy. “I’m so fucking happy for you, dude.”

  Blowing out a relieved breath, I say, “Thanks. That means a lot. But don’t fucking tell anyone, okay? I haven’t even told Tucker yet.”

  “You mean I’m the first to know?” Hand to God, the smile on his face resembles that of a kid’s after they’ve just received the best gift ever.

  “Calm yourself, dude. I don’t like you that much.”

  “Liar,” he says quickly. “You don’t just keep me around for my good looks. You so love me, dude. We all know this already. What we don’t know is why you haven’t told Tucker. Or did you use your weird ‘I see you’ bullshit to communicate it long-distance or telepathically or some creepy shit like that?”

  “You’re just jealous we don’t have a special saying.”

  “Obviously,” he responds in mock seriousness. “But really, why not tell him? This is
big.”

  “It’s only big if she says yes.”

  “That’s what she said. Nailed it!” Gaige shouts.

  “Why? Why do I think going out in public with you is a good idea?”

  “You don’t. Now, back to Tucker.”

  I give a noncommittal shrug. “I don’t know. He’s on the road and I know he needs this time to separate himself from his life here. Plus, this is something I only recently started thinking about.”

  He creases his brows briefly before his face settles again. “Tanner,” is all he says.

  Gaige may be overly sarcastic and sometimes come off as an arrogant asshole, but he’s the most observant person I’ve ever met. He just seems to know things and can read situations in seconds. And like usual, he’s right on the money.

  “Yes and no. I mean, it’s not only because of that but also because I love her, ya know? She’s just it for me. Why wait?”

  “Can I say something?”

  “If you’re gonna be a dick, no. If you’re going to say sweet things to me to try and get into my pants, it’s still a no. I’m taken, Gaige.”

  “Well then I’m all out of things to say.”

  I snort. “Come on, you fuckin’ weirdo. Let’s go do this shit.”

  A bust.

  That’s what our trip to the mall was. Everything was too shiny, not perfect enough, or just plain ugly. Nothing felt…right.

  “We suck at this shit, man,” I complain to Gaige as we’re walking back out the sliding doors.

  “No, you suck. I know exactly what you need to get Rae.”

  I furrow my brow. “How the hell do you know what to get her when I’m the one dating her?”

  “Because I’m the handsome, quiet, observant one that only engages in conversation when I can add in my unique sarcastic charm. I tend to pay attention and notice shit that others don’t. Duh.”

  “How did I ever miss that,” I deadpan. “So what is it that I apparently need to get her?”

  “Simple. You need modest. No huge rock, no fancy setting. An elegant, simple band is perfect.”

  It doesn’t take me long to know he’s right. I kind of hate how he knew that and I didn’t, but I’m also thankful one of us is smart.

  “Can I confess something?” I say over the roof of my car.

  Gaige points down to the door. “Want to unlock it? I think I felt a raindrop, and I can’t mess up my hair.”

  On an eye roll, I unlock the car and we climb inside.

  “I’ve been visiting Rae’s dad.”

  “And signing your death wish,” Gaige replies quickly.

  I don’t get even a little upset at his words, because I know he’s right. Rae’s going to be beyond pissed when she finds out. As wrong as it is, there’s a small part of me that hopes to use our upcoming engagement as a distraction. It’s not why I’m proposing, but I still hope it helps to fend her off a little. She can be a little unforgiving when she’s angry.

  Hence her not speaking to her father since she discovered the nightmares that have haunted her all these years weren’t just nightmares; they were memories. Granted, it’s a legit reason to stop talking to someone, especially since that was something very real and very tragic. But she hasn’t even tried to see it from his point of view at all. And I guess she wouldn’t because she’s never been a father. She doesn’t understand what it’s like to want to protect your daughter with absolutely everything you have—no matter what it costs.

  “I know she’s gonna be pissed. I just hope she can see why I’ve been visiting him.”

  “And why’s that?”

  “Because she won’t.”

  Gaige doesn’t reply right away. The car is filled with the sounds of the seat belts zipping over us and clicking into place, the engine turning over, and Transit spilling from the speakers. We drive like this for several miles, and the distractions of the road and the music are welcome.

  “I think you’re doing the right thing.” He says it so softly I almost don’t hear him.

  I turn down the radio and glance over at him. He’s staring out the window. Most would think he’s being dramatic, but I don’t. No, this is Gaige. He’s quiet, reserved, sarcastic, and thoughtful. He doesn’t give his opinion often, but when he does, you better shut the hell up and listen to it because it’s usually fucking gold that comes out of his mouth.

  “I think it’s okay that you’re visiting her dad. Someone has to tell him she’s doing well. Someone needs to let him know she isn’t broken. You’re that person now.”

  “But you said it yourself, man. She’s gonna be pissed when she finds out.”

  “Hell yeah she will be. But so would you. Back when you weren’t speaking to your pops, if she’d have done the same thing, you’d have been upset too. But then you’d have gotten over it just like she will.”

  There’s nothing more I want than for him to be right, because the thought of Rae being so pissed she’d break it off devastates me. She can’t not be in my life. That’s not possible.

  “I sure as hell hope you’re right, dude.”

  “I usually am,” he says confidently.

  Rae

  “Can we go swimming?”

  Those four words send chills through my body. My chest constricts. I feel like an astronaut stuck in space without a helmet. It’s hard to pull any air through my lungs, and it’s only coming out of my mouth in harsh waves.

  “Why are you purple? Rae? Rae!” Joey shouts, pulling on my arm hard enough to drag my attention her way.

  Air moves through my lungs and I gasp, finally able to breathe again.

  “You okay?”

  I look down at Joey and nod slowly. “I think so. I just had a...a moment.”

  “Moments are fickle.”

  My head snaps toward her, shocked at the words that just came out of her mouth. For such a tiny little human, she sure is pretty damn smart. “That they are.”

  “So can we go swimming?” she asks again.

  I’m more prepared this time and shake my head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Maybe when your dad gets home we can.”

  “Ugh! But he won’t be home until later. Why can’t we go now?”

  “Um...because I said so?”

  Her shoulders slump and she flings herself onto the sofa beside me. “Fine.”

  She looks so sad that I almost give in, but I stand my ground. I’m supposed to be a responsible adult now. I can’t continue to give in every time she gives me those extremely convincing puppy dog eyes or pushes out her bottom lip. I’ve been very good at not giving in these last few months, especially considering how much I gave in when Hudson and I first started dating. Anything she wanted was hers. Ice cream? You got it! Pudding? Sure thing! A new book? Of course! Going swimming in the ocean while I have a freaky flashback thing and you nearly drown? Yep, that too.

  So, no, she most definitely cannot go swimming on my watch. Even if it is in the neighborhood swimming pool. It’s not happening.

  “I have an idea. Why don’t we go take your dad some lunch at work? That way we’ll get out of the house and get to visit him some. How’s that sound?”

  “Fine.”

  Ah, the joys of mood swings and not getting your way.

  “Good. Up. Let’s make him something tasty,” I tell her, pushing myself off the sofa and heading to the kitchen.

  “How about we just order him something? That way we know it’s not going to be burned.”

  I do my best to smother a laugh. “You’re so your father’s kid.”

  I don’t have to be looking at her to know she just rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”

  Boom. Boom. BOOM!

  I pound on the doors to Jacked Up for the third time. The result is the same—no answer. And I don’t see Hudson’s car. I want to believe he’s just stepped out for lunch, but I have this feeling he was never here at all.

  I don’t know whether or not the fact that he’s obviously lied to me hurts more or the fact that he felt the
need to do it in the first place.

  “I... I don’t think he’s here,” Joey whispers, picking up on my frustration.

  The last thing I want is for her to be upset. “Ya know, maybe he just stepped out for some lunch. We are surprising him, so he wasn’t expecting us. I’m sure that’s where he is.”

  “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “Want to go over to Maura’s and have lunch there? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

  She instantly perks up because this kid loves Maura. “Yes! Please!”

  I teasingly narrow my eyes at her. “You’re supposed to love me most.”

  Joey pats my arm. “It’s okay. You’re my fourth favorite.”

  “Fourth! You’re killing me, kid.”

  She shrugs and skips—skips—back to the car.

  The short ride to Maura’s is silent. I’m a little nervous to see her. She’s been going through a tough time since Tanner’s death and Tucker’s leaving, so I’m not sure which version of her I’ll be getting today. For Joey’s sake, I hope it’s the happy-go-lucky one.

  I let Joey push the doorbell once we reach Maura’s apartment. We’re immediately greeted by a tall, tanned, complete and total stud. No matter how many times I’ve been here in the last couple weeks, it still surprises me every single time Maura’s new roommate opens the door.

  “Hey, Rae, Joe. How are you beautiful ladies today?” Dallas says, moving aside and waving us in.

  “G-good,” Joey stutters. I want to laugh because I know her stuttering is a sign of nervousness. She’s completely smitten with Dallas. She thinks he’s “so cute.”

  “We’re good. Maura here?”

  “Babygirl! You’ve got company,” he shouts. Then he bends down and whispers, “Today’s a rough day. I’m glad you stopped by.”

  I give him a small smile and flick my eyes to Joey, silently asking him to keep her occupied while I go wrangle Maura out of bed.

  “Hey, Joe, wanna go see who can eat the most ice cream in five minutes?”

  This time I give him an Are you fucking serious? look, because really? Ice cream eating contest? He shrugs and ushers her off to start a brain freeze war.