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  I quietly make my way down the hall and briefly knock on Maura’s door before letting myself in. Seeing her curled up in bed just blankly staring at the door causes my heart to hitch. I hate seeing my best friend hurting like this. The worst part is that she’s not hurting in the traditional sense. I wish she’d cry or scream or break down. She does none of those things. Instead she retreats into her head and stays silent for days at a time. It’s near impossible to get through to her when she gets like this. But I always try.

  “Hey,” I say softly. “How are you?”

  She doesn’t say anything. But she does scoot over, inviting me to come sit next to her. So I do.

  “Joey’s here.” It’s barely noticeable, but I can see a small smile touch her lips. “She’s having an ice cream eating contest with Dallas. I’m not sure I like him anymore.”

  Her eyes finally leave the door and she looks at me.

  “I do,” she croaks out. “He’s so damn good to me, Rae. I had a freak-out last night. He talked me down.”

  She’s letting off wave after wave of sadness. I want to wrap her up and keep her safe from all this heartache, but I can’t. She needs to feel it or she’ll never be able to work through it. So all I can do it sit here with her. “Good. I’m glad you have him here.”

  “I miss him.”

  I don’t need to ask who she’s talking about.

  “I know. I do too.”

  She blows out a breath, and I watch as she musters up the courage she needs to push through the day. It’s slow, but eventually she’s in a place where I know she’ll be okay.

  “So, what’s up with you?”

  “Hudson’s not where he says he is.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up instantly. “Where is he, then?”

  I shrug. “No clue. He’s been going into the office a lot on Sundays, so Joey and I tried taking him some lunch today only to find the shop completely empty and no sign of his car.”

  “Come on. Say it, Rae.”

  She knows me way too well.

  “What the fuck does it mean, Maura? I didn’t think much of it before, but the fact that he lied about where he was going today makes me think he’s been lying this entire time. Why? And where in the hell is he going if not to Jacked Up?”

  I hate saying all this out loud. I hate having these fears. Hudson doesn’t deserve accusations that come with the questions I’m voicing. But I also don’t deserve to be lied to.

  “I’m sure—”

  “There’s an explanation. Yeah, I know,” I interrupt her. “But there shouldn’t have to be an explanation. We should be able to be completely honest with one another.”

  Maura sits up and mirrors my dejected posture. “True. But sometimes it’s necessary, Rae. What if he’s planning a sweet surprise? What if he just had to go run an errand? What if he went to lunch? I don’t think the conclusions you’re jumping to are fair.”

  They’re not. I know I’m being a little crazy about this right now, but something about the situation makes me feel uneasy. I can’t ignore it.

  “I feel horrible saying this all out loud, Maura. You know I love that man with everything I have. But something feels off.”

  “You do know the only way to get to the bottom of this, right?”

  “Hold him down and feed him Veritaserum?”

  “First of all, wow, you’re a damn nerd. Second, that doesn’t even exist in our Muggle world. Third, no.”

  “I’m a nerd? You’re the one who knew I was referencing Harry Potter.”

  Maura scoffs. “Whatever. But my answer is still no. You need to just ask him about it. Give him the chance to explain. That’s the only way it’s going to be fair.”

  I sigh. “The Veritaserum sounded more fun.”

  She lets out a dry laugh. “It did, didn’t it?”

  “I hate when you’re right.”

  “But you love me.”

  “That I do. Which is why I’m done watching you mope,” I tell her, diverting the conversation back to her. “So, up. Let’s go. We’re leaving the bed today and we’re going to go out there and eat ice cream until we can freeze all these shitty thoughts out of our heads.”

  “Oh, I love the way you think.”

  “And you love me.”

  “That I do.”

  “Hey, babe. How was your day?” Hudson wraps his arms around me from behind, nuzzling my neck, nipping lightly at the spot he knows drives me insane. I don’t want my body to react, but I can’t help the way it automatically falls back into his embrace, molding to him perfectly.

  I want to be angry with him for lying, I want to push him away. But as much as I want those things, I also want him to hold me closer, to be happy, to spin around and welcome him home with a kiss. Instead, I act naturally. And neutrally.

  “Good,” I tell him, rinsing off the plate I’m holding. “We went to visit Maura, had lunch with her and Dallas, who I’m growing quite fond of.”

  Hudson nips at my neck once more.

  “I’m glad he’s not into girls, because then I may have to act jealous.”

  I’d normally come back with a quick-witted comment, but I’m just not feeling the spar today. I can tell by the way his arms constrict around me that he notices.

  “You gonna spill?”

  Hudson drops his arms and takes a step back at the sound of disbelief that involuntarily leaves my mouth. I wince because I know he doesn’t deserve the cold shoulder I’m giving him. But I also don’t deserve to be lied to.

  Are you serious right now, Rae? You don’t know he lied! He could have just gone to lunch. Grow the fuck up already.

  I should listen to myself. I know I should. But I can’t. Because my stupid fucking stomach is tied up in knots like a fucking sailor did that shit. Something’s off. I can feel it.

  “Right. Well, I’ll leave you to your sulking, then. Let me know when you want to talk. I’m here for anything.”

  He sounds so sincere I almost cave. In fact, I spin around to do so. But as soon as I see his retreating back, I have the strongest urge to throw something at him. Which is entirely stupid because I don’t know if he even did anything wrong.

  I’m suddenly tired from the constant back and forth my brain is having with my stomach. Neither one of them will stop bickering. I feel sick.

  I quickly finish the dishes, set out the menus for our weekly Sunday takeout, and head toward the stairs without saying a word to Hudson.

  Relentless. That’s one word someone could use to describe Hudson. I’m not even in our bedroom five minutes before he seeks me out.

  “Babe, come on. Tell me what’s wrong,” he tries, closing our bedroom door and relaxing on the bed next to me but not touching me.

  I hate that he’s not touching me.

  “You.”

  “Me, what?”

  “You. You’re what’s wrong.”

  I swear I can hear the wheels turning in his head. “Why am I what’s wrong?”

  I don’t answer for a long time. So long that I feel his breathing start to even out. So long that I’m certain the dark, quiet room has nearly lulled him to sleep.

  “We tried to bring you lunch today,” I whisper.

  Silence. I’m met with silence. But I know he heard me, and I know he’s awake now because he shifts a little. I feel an arm snake around my waist and I’m being pulled into his warmth. I relax instantly. Being in his arms will always relax me. No matter how mad I am, no matter how annoying he is, no matter the bitchiness that’s swallowing me whole, being touched by him is guaranteed to soothe me.

  With my ass pressed against his dick, I can feel him growing hard. I push back on him, loving the feel of him against me. His hand finds my breast and gently cups it, taking my hardened nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I moan as he rolls it between them, applying just the right amount of pressure. Everything with Hudson is just the right amount.

  Soft lips trace a path from my shoulder to my neck. Light nips are quickly soothed by small lick
s, and my entire body is on fire. I roll over and slam my mouth against Hudson’s, pressing my front to his, throwing a leg over him so his erection fits snuggly between my legs. He rolls us over so he’s on top, pinning me to the bed, never once breaking our kiss. His tongue prods, making love to my mouth, saying the words he can’t out loud. He knows I’m mad. I know I’m mad. Neither one of us cares right now.

  We don’t care as my hands find his shirt and he rips it over his head. We don’t care as I unsnap his pants and draw down his zipper so he can kick his jeans away. Nor do we care when he strips away my clothes piece by piece. The moment all care in the entire world is thrown directly out the window is when he gently parts my legs and enters me with one quick thrust.

  No words are spoken, no sounds are made. But the room is still loud, filled to the brim with our thoughts, our silent communication, our unspoken bond, our love. And the questions surrounding us and this moment are endless and tight and reaching out to grab at all the perfect moments we’ve ever had. Something is shifting.

  And I’m not sure I like it.

  Hudson

  “Something happened last night, man.”

  My head snaps up at the grim tone of Gaige’s voice.

  “What’s up?”

  “I heard Tucker on the radio.”

  A smile takes over my face instantly and my chest swells with pride. My best friend is on the fucking radio. I wish I could say I helped him get there, but I didn’t. I may have pushed him to finally follow his dreams, but nothing has carried that man more than his talent. And I’m beyond proud of him for that, so I’m a little thrown by Gaige’s statement.

  “Why is that a bad thing?”

  “Because that means the fucker is honestly good and isn’t coming back. Ever. I don’t like that. He’s a prick.”

  I chuckle because it’s such a typical response coming from Gaige. When he gets uncomfortable with his emotions—pride in this case—he reverts back to the one thing he excels at: sarcasm. And insults, apparently. So let’s just go ahead and make that two things.

  “You know you’re proud as hell,” I say, focusing back on my laptop because I’m horribly behind on work.

  “Whatever,” he mumbles as he shuffles into the room, takes a seat, and props his shoes up on my desk. “You know you miss him.”

  “True.”

  “You want him to go and be big and famous, don’t you?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “And you want him to go off and leave us all behind and never, ever talk to us again?”

  “Yep.”

  “You’re also not listening to a single thing I’m saying right now. Hudson, can I have a raise? How’s two dollars more an hour sound?”

  “Sounds like you’re not getting a raise,” I tell him, closing my laptop and knocking his dirty boots off my desk. “You’ve sufficiently distracted me. Now what do you want?”

  “Nothing, man. Just having an off day.”

  I lean back in my chair and fold my hands behind my head. “I feel you.”

  “Oh, shit,” he says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “Trouble in your disturbingly perfect paradise?”

  I hate that everyone thinks Rae and I don’t have problems. I guess in reality they aren’t that big of a deal, but it’s not like we don’t ever fight or disagree on things. We do. All the damn time. She’s stubborn as shit and a little crazy. I can be mean and short-tempered on occasions. Don’t get me wrong, I know those aren’t huge issues, but for us, that’s enough. We struggle just like every couple. Our difference is that we choose not to. We don’t let the little shit bother us. We work through it. There’s no other option for us.

  Except for last night. I got home after seeing her dad and could tell right away that something was wrong. I don’t know what tipped me off to her mood. It could have easily been her rigid shoulders or her quiet greeting or the fact that she was scrubbing the dishes like they’d been sitting in dog shit for the last six months. Then she did something that sent the maybe something is up with Rae meter off the charts—she dodged me. An upstairs-lights-out-no-goodnight dodge. Then I found out what was wrong with her. She knows I lied to her about working yesterday. I also know that she’s now questioning everything. Especially since after she gave me the perfect opportunity to come clean to her, I did something I never do either.

  I dodged her.

  Or at least her question. Or statement, rather. Then I seduced her, let her fall all over me. Whatever. We didn’t talk about it. Just moved on, had our dinner, and ignored it. And this morning? Yep. Ignored it then as well. So for the first time in a very long time, something is majorly off with our relationship.

  And it’s all my fault.

  “You okay?” Gaige prods.

  “I think I’ve royally fucked up.”

  “I’m sure you have.”

  I give him an incredulous look for that comment.

  “What? It was bound to happen,” he defends. “After all the bliss, there’s going to be a storm. The weather isn’t perfect all the time, especially not around these parts. When you want summer, you get winter. When you want spring, you get all the damn rain Mother Nature can throw at you. There’s no happy medium. This seems like autumn to me.”

  Did he just compare my relationship to the fucking weather, to the seasons? And did he just make complete and total sense? Yes, yes he did.

  “I know.” He taps the side of his head. “I’m a genius.”

  “Or entirely insane.”

  “It’s a fine line, so who’s the real winner?”

  I can’t help but laugh at him. He always spins things to his favor. “Your confidence in yourself is always so inspiring, Gaige.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says automatically. “But do enlighten me as to how you’ve royally fucked up. I’m curious as to how the great Hudson can do that. I mean other than sneaking around and visiting her dad. Which I still believe she’ll eventually forgive you for.”

  “Eventually?”

  He shrugs. “I’m nothing if not hopeful.”

  “Something like that,” I mutter.

  “Well? Spill, fucker. Some of us have shit to do.”

  I let out an irritated sigh because he’s the one who barged in here to bother me.

  “I dodged her, man. Last night. She basically caught me lying to her about working yesterday, and I fucking dodged her. Sidestepped her like I was on a damn football field. And she didn’t even try to block me. She just let me pass and I scored. Only I feel like I’ve cheated us both by doing so.”

  He doesn’t say anything, just narrows his eyes. And then the silence continues until I’m squirming in my chair.

  “What,” I grit out.

  “You’re telling me that you used sex as a distraction? You, Hudson Tamell, Mr. Perfect, did that? Wow. I feel like a fucking saint right about now.”

  “What makes you feel so holy?”

  “Even I haven’t done that. I mean I’m an asshole and all, but that’s low, man. Like, Hell level low.”

  “I’ll be sure to save you a seat down there.”

  “You’re too good to me.” He pauses to let me know he’s about to get serious. “Listen, man, it’s gonna be okay. Yeah, she gave you an excellent opportunity to fess up to the sneaking around—I’m not sure why you didn’t do just that—and you completely blew it. But I think it’ll be okay in the end.”

  I don’t miss the “think” part of his sentence. Nor do I miss him pointing out that I didn’t fess up.

  Honestly, I’m not sure why I didn’t either. I’m not a fan of confrontation and I know this is going to lead to an argument eventually. But I also don’t think Rae’s ready to know just yet. I’m not sure how she’s going to handle it and that terrifies me. I’m scared of losing her.

  Fuck. I’m scared of losing her. That right there is the reason I’m still hiding it, why I didn’t confess to sneaking around. I know this could be the thing that breaks her, the thing that tears her away
from me. I don’t want that.

  No, I want her to understand why I’ve been visiting Ted, why I’m so insistent on maintaining some sort of connection between the two. I know firsthand what it’s like to lose a father. I know how it feels to have your entire relationship just vanish. Right now they still have that thread connecting them. Sure, Rae’s pissed. But she’s not completely closed off. Not yet. And I’m not going to let her get to that point. No matter the stakes in our relationship.

  “Your head’s spinning, huh?” Gaige interrupts my thoughts.

  “Hell yeah. I’m just so...conflicted. I want everything for her, but I don’t want to lose her.”

  He sighs, and it’s a long, drawn out one. I don’t think I like those kinds of sighs. “Are you ready to risk it though?”

  “I am.” My response is automatic because it’s damn true. Because the truth is, she needs that relationship with her father far more than she needs me.

  “Goddamn. You are one selfless man.”

  I wish I wasn’t, though. I wish just this one time that I could be selfish. But when it comes to Rae, I could never be. I suppose I should consider that a blessing and not a curse.

  In a hardly seen moment of seriousness, Gaige says, “I’m in awe of you, man. You were dealt some rather fucked up cards in life at a young age, but you didn’t let that get you down. You became a way better man for it, and I’m honored to call you my friend.”

  I do my best to choke back the emotions begging to be let out. I don’t think I can explain to him how good that felt to hear. I know this is silly, but there are so many days when I worry about whether or not I’m doing a good job as a dad. I think most people worry about those things, but based on where I am in life right now, I don’t feel like I have a reason to do that. But…I do. I’m just glad hard work is something others can see. It’s nice to feel like I’m helping make a difference somehow, someway.

  “Uh, thanks, man,” I tell him, my throat thick from holding in how I feel.

  He shrugs. “Yeah, whatever.”

  I immediately bark out a laugh, because damn, only Gaige could spit out some sweet, meaningful shit like that and then follow it up with two words and a shrug to show his indifference. The best part is that he means it. He doesn’t care or ever apologize for what he says. Or doesn’t say. He’s a good dude.